Gift giving
January 15, 2011 Leave a comment
Gift giving doesn’t mean all that much to me, whereas physical touch (read: sex) means a lot. Suppose I am in a relationship with someone who is the opposite. I may be sending love in my love language but they will not be receiving the message. Like a radio tuned to the wrong frequency, the message is just not getting through.
The thing that all of these things have in common is this single word: attention. If I am sitting my happy rump in the chair while Missy is bustling around the house cleaning up and taking care of kids, she is pleased that I get up, not only because she appreciated the help, but mostly because it shows I noticed. I was thinking about her. I was paying attention.
Gift giving is meaningful not because we need the gifts so much as because it communicates that in spite of the fact that I was 1464.5 miles away at Hartsfield Airport in Atlanta, her thought were very near me. I bought her a shirt and imagined how pretty she would look in it. She had my attention and it was that attention, not the T-shirt that meant the world to her.
I once did something I thought would be romantic that, in retrospect was not so much because it violates this principle. I was going to be gone for a long trip. I went to hallmark.com and set up 10 e-cards to be sent over the next 10 days. “I am thinking of you,” one said. “I miss you like crazy,” said another, and so forth. Then, I put the whole thing on auto-pilot. The site is smart enough to remember to wend out this one on the 10th, that one on the 11th, and so forth for 10 days. So, Missy got ten beautiful e-cards ten days in a row and it was hardly any trouble to me. She got the cards. No trouble to me. This is perfect. When will I ever learn?
Again, you may be thinking that you can’t do this and it is just all way to much trouble. I have two things for you to consider.
First, God can pour into your life and fill your cup and give you the resources to really love your wife by paying attention to her. I will talk more about this later. It takes three to make a marriage: a man, a woman and their God. If I pour into her and she pours back to me, there is always a little spilling and lost in the translation. We both need the infusion of God’s love so I can give from the excess.
Second, if you think this is all too much trouble. . . how much do you like having sex? Think about it.
