Romance is a lot of trouble

Here is the reason I didn’t understand romance. I thought, “Well, yes, I understand that is a nice expression of love, but it so impractical. It is so much trouble.” I thought the trouble and effort were an attendant down-side to romance. What I didn’t understand is that romance is romantic precisely because it is a lot of trouble. It is the amount of trouble that makes it romantic. (There are other things, like beauty and the lavish nature of the expression of love.) But, romance is always a lot of trouble. It is romantic because it is a lot of trouble. If it is easy and convenient, it is not that romantic.

I have made every mistake in the book when it comes to women resulting in the utter failure of my first marriage after many years of depression on her part and frustration on mine. Most of this book is about lessons I learned from that failure. So, I don’t think it out of line that I occasionally brag when I have done something well. When I proposed to Missy, I got it right.

I had a series of gifts, all nicely packaged in matching bags. The first was a Bible. I explained to her that I wanted our relationship to be based on the Bible and biblical principles. We have both had more than our fair share of pain in previous relationships and humbly we wanted to go into this one with a dependance on God. Then, I gave her a fancy digital clock. It was a travel clock that could fit easily in a purse and has buttons to quickly change time zones. If I were in Sydney without her she can push one button and know what time it is in Sydney. (I assured her this was just and example; if I were in Sydney, she would surely be with me.) Then, I got her a very nice writing pen, a gift she appreciates. Then, I said this, “Take the Bible and let’s look at the dedication page. Where it says ‘to’ write ‘Missy.’ Where it says, ‘from’ write ‘Josh.’ Where it has a place for the date, I want you to write down the exact day, date and time as displayed on this clock.” “Friday, February 13, 2004, 11.33 p.m.” she wrote in her book. (I was too excited; I had planned to do this on Valentines Day but I couldn’t wait.) She wrote down the day, date, and time and as I continued. “You are going to remember this day for the rest of you life. I paused, slipped to my knee, looked in her eyes and said, “Missy, will you marry me?”

She said yes.

I asked her to write in the final line in the Bible. “For the occasion of: our engagement.” I had one final gift. Her wedding ring. I had her pull the clock out of its box. On the outside was engraved: “Missy, will you marry me?”

The reason this is romantic is it is a lot of trouble. Four individual gifts all thought through and a kind of dramatic story to tie it all together. It showed I was paying her a lot of attention. If I had just picked up a, “Romantic proposal in a box. Everything complete.” It would not be romantic.