For All of the Ladies Who Want the Fairy Tale

….And they lived happily ever after.

As a young girl my mom read to me a lot. Ours were not typically bedtime stories, but daytime stories. My mom was a stay-at-home mom during my preschool and early elementary years and I can remember her telling me, after doing her morning chores and cleaning up the lunch dishes, to, “Go pick a book.” I’d run to my room and come back with my choice of stories, then I’d climb up next to her on the couch, or better yet, plop down on her lap as she rocked us in our orange vinyl covered rocker (it was as ugly as you are picturing it) to enjoy an extended session of her animated storytelling voice reading to me from my favorite books.

I knew all of the fairy tales by heart. As far as my little-girl mind was concerned, Snow White, Sleeping Beauty and Cinderella were my girlfriends. I saw myself as becoming one of them (down deep I really wanted it to be Cinderella, but the others would do if need be). I wanted to grow up and experience the romance and excitement of Prince Charming riding into my small-town life and rescuing me too. I didn’t have a wicked step-mother that I longed to escape from, but I did dream of dashing off on a white horse with my man and living happily ever after, just like they did. Not only did I want it, I knew that someday it WOULD happen.

We all want the happy ending, and not just the happy ending but the happy beginning, middle and all the commercials in between, right? Nothing wrong with that, right? RIGHT?! Or maybe it’s not right.

About now, I’m imagining some of you thinking, “Missy, what are you saying? That we shouldn’t hope for a happy ending? That we shouldn’t want to be happy? Is dreaming about being happy wrong? What exactly are you saying?”

Well, I’m certainly not saying that wanting to be happy is a bad thing. It isn’t wrong or sinful to desire happiness, but what I do think is wrong is for us to dream of and hope for a happy life based on a man who will come into our lives, whisk us away and make our lives happy. Happiness is not, in my experience, something that just magically happens to you. The man of my dreams might contribute to my happiness, but the truth is, he might detract from it too. Happiness doesn’t “just happen” to us, and it certainly doesn’t come into our lives as a result of snagging a good man.

It seems to me, that somehow, many of us women have grown up thinking that because we have been placing precious items in a hope chest for much of our lives and composing a “Happily Ever After Wish List” that the fairy tale is required to come true. Once we get all of the items neatly tucked away in the bridal trunk and all of our wishes listed in alphabetical order, we then sit back and wait for the man, because he is the only missing link in this long chain of happily ever after.

Finally, the man comes along. “Where have you been all my life?” we gush. Ah, our dream is not almost complete. Once the nuptials are said we’ll be happy!

What are we thinking? There is no plump, rosy-cheeked fairy godmother floating around in the cosmos waiting on us to give the signal for her to finally make all of our wishes come true. We crave a fairytale from start to finish, like a baby craves its mother’s milk, but the disappointing truth is, the Bible never, ever promises or even hints at that kind of life for us – whether we are married or single.

**(Little side note here. I am addressing women in this article, but men – I know you’re out there reading too – you could benefit from this concept as well. You are not going to find a woman to marry who is built like Barbie, cooks like your mama, takes care of you in the bedroom like ‘Lulu LaRou’, nurtures your kids like your kindergarten teacher, and works outside the home to bring home a slab of bacon that pays for the motor home and boat, but still takes care of the housekeeping like Alice from the Brady Bunch. We women aren’t the only dreamers out there, are we?)

So, if my husband isn’t responsible for my “happily ever after” life, and there is no fairy godmother on her way, what’s a girl to do? Where will I find this happiness I’ve been waiting for all of my life?

Please allow me to reiterate the problem, ladies, before I suggest a solution. Our problem began years ago, as little girls, when we read (or had read to us) fictitious accounts of flawless beauties all dressed up in their ballroom regalia living lives that led them to absolute bliss. It was during the reading/telling of these stories that we naively chose to model our lives after the characters in those made-up writings. The bad news is that the creators of those fairy tales were story tellers, mere mortals who weave words and imagination together to create events that bewitch us into thinking that they are attainable and within our reach – nothing more and nothing less.

On the other side of that dream world, where fantasies become reality and the deceased come back to life as a result of a handsome guy’s kiss, we have The Creator of my story – of your story, God Almighty – the maker of heaven and earth. Unlike the authors of fables and fairy tales (the Brothers Grimm and others), when God set out to “write our story” He didn’t script out every scene like an average writer would. God gives us a will to make choices. These choices that we make will have a huge impact on how our story turns out. That is not to say that God is not involved. Some would like you to think that God creates us and then “tosses us out into the world” to figure it out on our own while He sits up in heaven hysterically laughing at us as we bumble through life “scraping our knees” and “getting our noses busted.” That is what I call stupidity at its best.

God has given us the most thorough “handbook” about living life ever to be written. It is called the Holy Bible and within the pages of this book you will find the Word of Life. It is filled with more wisdom and insight than our finite brains can comprehend, and yet there is enough in His Word that we are able to comprehend, that if followed, will guide us in fashioning a life story better than anything the Grimm boys could ever fathom.

The Bible teaches us that true contentment and happiness can only be found in serving and following God. That is why we were created! The displeasure we experience in our marriages and in life is due to a wrong focus! Many of us get married for the benefits we believe it will allow us. All we can think of is our husbands meeting our needs and making us happy. Want happiness that you can count on? Follow and serve God. Live life His way.

Jesus told His disciples (followers) that He came to serve and not be served. He also commanded us to follow Him and His ways. Do you see the disconnect between what we say and what He said? Once we find our purpose in life (the specific way God intends for us to serve Him, whether it be through teaching, preaching, encouraging others, hospitality, etc.) and carry it out, we will find a happiness that exceeds anything Cinderella ever experienced.

We’ve been duped! We buy into the world’s teaching that comes to us through television, music, billboards, movies, and magazines that screams, “It’s all about you! You should do whatever it takes to be happy!” WRONG. It’s all about you (and me) bringing glory to God by following and serving Him! When we do that, we will be happy because the one created is only at peace when it is doing what the Creator intended for it to do.

“Everyone who is called by my name, whom I have created for My glory; I have formed him, yes, I have made him.” (Isaiah 43:7)

Having lived as long as I have, I know that sometimes, even when we feel we are truly living for God and doing the best we know how to serve Him and love Him and please Him, hard stuff still comes into our lives. And that hard stuff of life can sometimes be REALLY HARD STUFF. Sometimes that hard stuff manifests itself as marriage troubles. During those times is usually when we start asking, “Why, God? I don’t get this! Haven’t I been living for you? I always thought that if I followed and served you, I would be happy. I am not happy! Why would you allow this awful thing into my life?” As Psalm 115:3 says, “Our God is in heaven; He does whatever pleases Him.” Note: He does whatever pleases Him, not whatever pleases us.

Here is the good news for us. God loves us with an everlasting love and He can never do anything wrong…..ever! So if He loves me and will never do anything wrong or anything that is not for my good, then whatever pleases Him will be those things He allows into my life for my benefit and His glory. The REALLY HARD STUFF is always stuff that will make me more like Christ. There are no “uh-oh’s” when it comes to God working in my life. It’s all a part of His plan.

Sadly,this is where we begin to butt heads with God though (bad idea-God always wins in head-butting contests). We butt heads because we don’t like anything in our lives that comes close to resembling pain or a struggle. We want life to be a walk down Easy Street, and we want our marriages to be a walk down Romantic, Loving, Thoughtful Street. As soon as things get a little bit rough in the Newlywed’s House of Loooooooove (and believe me, they will get rough) we begin to think that maybe he isn’t my soul mate after all. Maybe we were too young. Maybe we made a mistake. Maybe my mama was right.

Maybe…..maybe I’m suffering from the “Cinderella Syndrome” and I want everything to go my way and I’m pouty and feeling sorry for my precious self because it’s not! Unfortunately, for those who do suffer from “C.S.” it is very hard to self-diagnose, so we forge ahead and try to fix our “broken” partner instead of looking at our own flaws and hammering away at fixing them. We think the path to wedded bliss and happiness is paved with no worries, no troubles, no fighting, no financial woes, and certainly no “NO’s!” from hubby dearest. I mean, we all know that if he loves me he will give a robust “YES” to anything and everything I ask for, right? I can’t imagine Prince Charming ever saying, “NO!” to Cinderella, can you?

Uh, ring, ring! Anyone in their right mind at home who can pick up? Remember, we aren’t inside the pages of Cinderella. This isn’t a scene from some Hollywood chick flick where the couple starts out with impossible odds against them followed by some ridiculously whacky comical scenario that leads to a lifetime of seaside fun, laughter, tans, and mixed drinks in glasses the size of the Superdome served up on a silver platter by a pool boy named, “Flaco.”

This is real life, ladies, with real problems and real husbands and wives who are real sinners. Why in this world do any of us think that we are asked to stand in front of a church full of witnesses and promise to each other and God that we will be faithful and true to the end? You know why? Because this is going to be hard! Marriage is not for wimps. It is hard, but there is hope. There is hope because the Bible tells us that if God asks us to do something then it is not too hard.

Deuteronomy 30:11 says, “Now what I am commanding you today is not too difficult for you or beyond your reach.” I know God was not referring to a marriage relationship when He spoke these words, but I do know that in the New Testament we are told that God will never test us beyond what we can handle. That’s a promise. So, no matter how hard your marriage gets, it is not too hard for you to get through if you have hope in the Lord and a commitment to stay true to your spouse.

I know God wants us to be happy. That is why he tells us to obey HIM in all our ways. He does not tell us to obey HIM because HE has a fragile male ego that needs pumping up constantly. God loves us with an everlasting love. HE is the only one who can love us like that. No matter what may come, HE will be there for us. And because HE loves us so dearly, HE would never tell us to do something that would be bad for us. HE wants the absolute best for us. Now that, ladies, sounds like the Prince we’ve been waiting for. Only His name isn’t Prince Charming, it’s The Prince of Peace. Let Him sweep you off of your feet. When that happens, you won’t be nearly as disappointed in your spouse when he lets you down because you’ll have a solid and satisfying relationship with your God that fills all the gaps your husband can’t.

So, practically speaking, what does all of this mean? It means seek and obey Him in all of your ways and you’ll be happier than anything even your childish dreams conjured up, but please don’t get instant gratification mixed up with the happiness God offers. Nope, there is always some price to pay for happiness, and the price God asks of us is our obedience. His Son paid the ultimate price so that we can experience that happiness-today and right now. Christ came to earth to willingly serve and suffer so that we could be afforded the opportunity to pursue a relationship with the Almighty; where true and everlasting happiness is found. One of the many commands God has given us to obey is found in Ephesians 5:33 – “So again I say, each man must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.”

If you get only one command right, let it be that one. I can assure you that if you do, you will have a much happier and healthier marriage than if you choose to follow the world’s advice that insists you demand to have your way 24/7. It probably won’t be a life that resembles a Grimm’s fairy tale or a Hollywood romantic comedy – it will be better! It will be better because where you find obedience to God out of the love we have for Him, there is an abundance of joy – and that is what our little-girl hearts really wanted all along – a blissful, God-pleasing, happy life. We just didn’t know it back then because we were reading the wrong book.