Scot Conway: Divorce doesn’t have to be ugly
March 11, 2011 2 Comments
Josh,
I said that my ex, my wife and I were all still great friends. This is my and my new Mrs. Conway and my old Mrs. Conway at my wedding to Dawn. Dawn and I are attending Wendy’s wedding to Bobby in April. We’re hosting the Engagement Party/Wedding Shower next month.
Dawn’s ex, on the other hand, still seems to feel he did absolutely nothing wrong, hates and despises me, and thinks he’s great. The list of concrete things Dawn did to save that marriage would nauseate most people, but she did it all because it was the right thing to do – right up until she said “that’s it – we’re done.” Then he spent the next two years in the divorce fighting to wipe her out and did a good job – and wonders why Dawn doesn’t think he’s great. He still seems convinced that if it wasn’t for me, Dawn would have realized she made a horrible mistake and she would come running back to him.
Meanwhile, my ex and I get along great, my ex and Dawn get along great, and both the Conways (me and Dawn, left) and the Engrams (Wendy, right, and her husband to be) are likely to have some double dates and joint trips out of town.
A couple of very different divorce stories….
- Scot Conway
I think this is amazing. I have often said that if divorce can be done right my parents did it right. My parents never talked bad about one another in front of my sister and me, nor did they allow anyone else to speak poorly of each other in front of us. They got along wonderfully. They made a lot of mistakes in their marriage, owned their own responsibility in it, and tried to make it as painless as possible for my sister and me. Regardless that they were divorced, they were still parents together and we knew they were united on decision made regarding us and our future. My dad and my step dad became good friends as well. We all celebrated birthdays together, spent Christmas and Thanksgiving together, and at their grandchildren’s ballgames and school events you would find my mom, step-dad, and my daddy sitting together. When my daddy died in 2004, my step-dad was a pall bearer in his funeral.
I think it’s amazing Scott that you and your ex and current wife are great friends. Divorce is hard enough without the adults playing the blame game. I haven’t been as fortunate with my ex. My question to you is how did you all get to the point to where you were good friends again? Spouses who are good friends don’t divorce. What do you recommend to someone who is divorced and is not as fortunate as you guys are and for those who are going through a divorce that they can reach the same level that you guys are?
Anne,
Actually, we never did stop being friends. We stopped being spouses. What we realized is that every problem we had only applied as between husband and wife, not as between friends. Once we separated, we each forgave one another and we kept the parts of our relationship that worked. We quickly set the hurt aside and continued our friendship.
As I write this, she and I just spent some time together reviewing plans for her vacation with her current husband, another great guy. I’m helping them plan a trip to Europe, and I’m excited about her finally getting to go. There is so much I always wanted for her, but I was not the one who could give it to her. She lives a very different life now than I could have given her.
I am about to preach through a series on Forgiveness and Clean Heart techniques. The material I teach is commercially available as Pure Power 101 at http://www.scotconway.org.