How one couple solved their sexual problems

Kent was a very successful farmer—he was worth millions. When he asked Jessica to marry him, all she could think about was his millions. He was a decent man but, having been single for the better part of his adult life, had paid little attention to his appearance. Jessica thought she could overlook his outward appearance and love him for his inner qualities—and his money. After they were married, however, she found his appearance turned her off.

When they came for their first appointment, Kent complained that Jessica refused to make love to him. She came up with every excuse, and he finally thought a counselor might help.

“I just can’t have sex with him,” she explained. “When I married him, I thought he would be more appealing to me, but it’s getting worse. He’ll probably divorce me, but I just can’t do it.”

When Kent came into the office, his body odor just about knocked me over! He had been chewing tobacco and his teeth were caked with residue. His hair was a mess, and his clothes looked like he’d slept in them. I had counseled many men who had trouble keeping themselves clean, but Kent was beyond anything I could have imagined.

“She doesn’t like sex,” was his explanation for their problem. I had a different theory.

“I think I can help you,” I replied. “But you’ll have to do everything I recommend. Within a few weeks I think your problem will be solved.” I gave him this assignment:

1. Take a shower every morning and evening.
2. With Jessica’s help, buy a new wardrobe of clothes. Let Jessica pick out clothes for you to wear each day. Never wear anything you’ve worn the day before unless it has been washed.
3. Go to a dentist and have your teeth cleaned. Never chew tobacco in Jessica’s presence and brush your teeth before being with her.
4. Comb your hair and shave every morning before breakfast.

Fulfilling this assignment was quite a commitment for Kent. He was used to going weeks without a shower. He wore the same pants and shirt day after day and he hadn’t been to a dentist since he was a teenager. But he agreed to it, believing me when I said it would help his sexual relationship with Jessica.

Then I gave Jessica her assignment: Shop with Kent for clothes, pick out something for him to wear every day, and see to it that the clothes are clean. I also asked her if she would be willing to make love to him every day for just one week after he followed through on his assignment.

A deal was struck and Kent was off to the dentist and clothing store. He kept his part of the bargain and Jessica kept hers. After he had clean teeth, clean clothes, and a clean body, Jessica made love to him once a day for a week.

At their next appointment, I could hardly recognize Kent. What a transformation! And they were holding hands in the waiting room. All on their own, without my counsel, they had made a long-term agreement. She would make love to him if he would keep himself clean. Their sexual problems were over.

-His Needs, Her Needs: Building an Affair-Proof Marriage Fifteenth Anniversary Edition