In an ideal world, this is how conflict is solved

I saw an attitude of love graphically demonstrated   when I visited John and Betsy. They had recently   moved to our city and had visited our church.  During our conversation, I discovered that they had  lost a three-year-old son in a tragic boating accident  a year earlier. They had two other children, whowere now five and seven, and they told me that  Betsy was now pregnant.

“Being a marriage counselor, Gary, I think you  will find this interesting,” Betsy said. “Our decision  to have another child did not come easily. John really   did not want another child, but I was strongly  in favor of having another one.

“I looked at John and he said, “The pain was  so deep when we lost josh that I couldn’t bear the  thought of going through that again. I was happy  with the two children we had left and wanted to  invest my time with them.”

“I can understand that,” I said.

Betsy continued, “I felt that my loss was so deep  that I could never find healing without another  baby. It was a real conflict between the two of us.”

“So how did you resolve the issue?” I asked.”

We both respected each other’s position,” said  John. “I knew that she really wanted to have another  baby, and she knew that I didn’t. And we knew that  each of us was sincere.”

“We prayed for God’s wisdom,” Betsy said.  ”One day while I was praying, God brought to my  mind the story of Abraham offering his son Isaac  on the altar to God. I knew that Abraham did that  because of his deep love for God. Then a question  came to my mind: `Do I love John enough to offer  my as-yet-unconceived child on the altar?’ I’ve never  loved anyone like I love John. He is a wonderful  husband and father. I knew that my answer was yes.  So I told John about my prayer and what God had  brought to my mind, and I wanted him to know  that I was willing to not have another child because  I loved him so much.”

“I cried like a baby when she told me that,”  John said. “Maybe it was the pent-up grief within  me, but I sobbed uncontrollably for thirty minutes.  I felt so overwhelmed by Betsy’s love. I didn’t say  anything that night. I just cried and hugged Betsy.  The next day, I went to work and reflected on what  had happened. I was overcome by a deep sense of  my love for Betsy, and I knew in my heart that I  could never deprive her of having another child. I  went home that night and told her that I wantedus to have another child. She was confused at first,  because she knew how adamant I had been, but  before the evening was over, she realized that my  heart had sincerely changed and I wanted us to  have another baby. So, as you can imagine,” he said,  ”we’re excited about the baby that is now inside  Betsy’s womb.”

I nodded affirmingly as my eyes filled with tears.  Finally, when I was able to speak, I said, “I don’t  know when I have ever seen such a deep demonstration   of love. I think God has great plans for  this child.”

–Everybody Wins: The Chapman Guide to Solving Conflicts without Arguing (Gary Chapman)- Highlight on Page 27 | Loc. 194-213  | Added on Monday, March 14, 2011, 01:21 AM