April 21, 2013 Leave a comment
She says, “I have nothing to wear.” (She means, she has nothing new.)
He says, “I have nothing to wear.” (He means, he has nothing clean.)
Eggerichs, E. (2010). Love & respect. Nashville: Thomas Nelson.
December 16, 2012 1 Comment
December 7, 2012 Leave a comment
Romance is a lot like beauty—it is easy to spot but difficult to define. As soon as you define it you find something that meets the definition, but is still not beautiful. Or, you meet something that breaks all the rules, but is captivating in its attraction. Romance is that way. It is hard to understand. A rule of thumb is, if you have to ask, “Is this romantic?” The answer is probably no. It is like the question, “Are we having fun yet?”
Doug Fields conducted a survey where he learned that most men see romance pretty much as what is stereotypical romantic ala hollywood. Women, on the other hand saw romance much differently:1
Women’s definition of romance encompasses a somewhat broader spectrum of qualities. Females describe more practical applications for romance. Examples include talking, anything having to do with being surprised, the husband taking the initiative in getting a baby-sitter or making plans, sincere compliments about physical appearance, short notes of appreciation, gentle touches or physical contact without sexual expectations or motives,a and time shared alone.
Romance has to do with excess. It has to do with display of affection that is excessive, impractical.
Right away, I know what men are thinking. First, you are thinking, “Some of that stuff sounds like a lot of trouble.” Let me set your mind at ease. Romance is by definition a lot of trouble. There is nothing particularly romantic about convenience. Likewise, there is nothing particularly convenient about romance. Romance has to do with excess. It has to do with display of affection that is excessive, impractical. For example, say you get your wife some flowers. She asks you, “What is the occasion?” Your reply: “They were on sale at the grocery store and I had to stop buy and get some milk anyway.” That may be better than nothing, but not much better. There may be some residual benefit to you in that she will know that you thought about her when you did not have to. Other than that, that is pretty pathetic romance.
Josh Hunt. Enjoying Marriage.
December 1, 2012 1 Comment
We do not believe—really believe that it is possible for us to continue in this passionate state, so we live out that belief
Perhaps one of the reasons that the intense passion of the early days of a relationship dies is simply that we expect it to do so. It becomes a case of self-fulfilling prophesy. We do not believe—really believe that it is possible for us to continue in this passionate state, so we live out that belief. The belief creates the reality. When the emotions start to wane we do not do anything to correct it because this is what we expected all the way along. It is never questioned, never corrected, nothing is done. We settle into a mediocre marriage because we see everyone else settling into a mediocre marriage and we assume this is all there is. To think otherwise is to risk being accused of being a youthful dreamer.
What we do not realize is that we have settled for the goal of a half-way decent marriage, which is a goal that is inherently impossible. The reason is simple: No woman is happy with a half-way decent marriage. If she has been schooled well in the school of commitment, she may put up with it. If her expectations have been lowered so that all she expects is for a man to not beat her, provide for her and not have an affair, she may put up with it.
But she won’t like it.
No woman is happy with a half-way decent marriage.
There is deep within the heart of every woman the desire to be loved, really loved. She craves to be enjoyed. She longs to be longed for. And no woman will be really happy with less. She may put up with less; she may settle for less; but she will not be happy with less. She does not want a half-way decent marriage, she wants a great marriage. Men could often live with less, but not woman. God has wired them with a high need for relationships. There was a day when many of them put up with crumby marriages. They did not have a lot of choices, financially and otherwise. They had little choice but to put up with a half-way decent marriage. If their husband was not beating them, they stayed with it. That was about fifty years ago. Today, women simply do not put up with marriages that are not meeting their needs. They leave marriages like that.
We are a little like someone who learns to swim by learning to hold his breath a long time. That will keep you alive, but it is not what swimming is all about. Many marriages are just like that—they are holding their breath, putting up with marriage but not really enjoying marriage.
Josh Hunt. Enjoying Marriage.
November 23, 2012 1 Comment
August 28, 2012 1 Comment
Questions about love, marriage and sex were posed to kids ages 5 to 10. Here are a few of their responses:
WHAT IS THE PROPER AGE TO GET MARRIED?
(Judy, 8) “Eight-four. Because at that age, you don’t have to work anymore, and you can spend all your time loving each other in your bedroom.”
WHEN IS IT OK TO KISS SOMEONE?
(Jim, 10) “You should never kiss a girl unless you have enough bucks to buy her a ring and her own VCR, ‘cause she’ll want to have videos of the wedding.”
HOW CAN PEOPLE MAKE LOVE LAST?
(Roger, 8) “Don’t forget your wife’s name. That will mess up the love.”
http://www.sermoncentral.com/illustrations/sermon-illustration-brian-mavis-humor-903.asp
August 14, 2012 Leave a comment
Now I can’t find this in the Bible, but perhaps you’ve heard the story that before Eve was created, God was talking with Adam. He said, “You really need a helper, don’t you?” And Adam answered, “Yeah, I really do.”
So God said, “What if I make a woman? She’ll be perfect for you. She’ll be beautiful. She’ll rub your back at night, & your feet in the morning. She’ll plop grapes into your mouth. She’ll prepare all your favorite meals without fail. She’ll clean up the kitchen & take care of the kids. You’ll never have to do a thing, just sit around & be the king of your household.”
Adam said, “Boy, that sounds great, but how much is this going to cost?” God said, “Well, it’s pretty expensive. It will cost you an arm & a leg.” Adam thought for a moment & then asked, “How much can I get for a rib?”
http://www.sermoncentral.com/illustrations/sermon-illustration-melvin-newland-humor-2299.asp
April 11, 2012 2 Comments
Be careful. Your health could plummet as if you had taken up smoking, become overweight or started drinking excessively.
A new review by the University of Arizona of more than 30 published studies found divorced adults have a significantly higher risk of early death compared with married adults.
The risk of dying early was 23 percent greater among divorced adults than married couples tracked by researchers for an average of 11 years. Researchers found the risks associated with divorce are similar to other well-established public-health risks, such as smoking up to 15 cigarettes a day, getting limited exercise, being overweight and drinking heavily, said the study’s lead author, UA psychology professor David Sbarra. http://www.psychologicalscience.org/index.php/news/ua-study-divorce-can-raise-risk-of-early-death.html
April 4, 2012 1 Comment
Research done on the causes of divorce reveals that -
http://www.buzzle.com/articles/common-causes-and-reasons-for-divorce.html
By this time in my first marriage I was thoroughly confused and my wife was thoroughly depressed. I so didn’t get it.
I will never forget the day—sitting on the white L-shaped couch talking again to Sharon, my first wife. We had had these conversations many times before. She wasn’t happy. I didn’t get why. She tried to explain, again.
At some point I suggested what I thought was an impossible idea, but she had been hinting that this was true. This is what good communication does, I would later learning. We repeat back what we think we hear the other person saying. This is always a good idea when we are not sure. This day, I just stumbled onto this technique.
“Are you saying I am pretty much a crummy husband?” The real sense of the question was, “Well, you are not saying am just a crummy husband, are you?” (Like that would be impossible, but just to be sure, let’s get that out of the way.)
Her silence was not very reassuring.
That day is marked in my mind as the beginning of 13 miserable years of struggling to find happiness in marriage. Countless hours of counseling. Reading 50 or so books. Two full weeks of counseling in Colorado. Lots of tears. Lots and lots of tears.
Countless nights I came home thinking, “Is this it? Is this the night I will come home to an empty house and a note saying, ‘I am leaving. I just couldn’t take it anymore.’” I was always relieved when I saw her car in the driveway.
Eventually, at year 18, we had another conversation on the couch. Sharon said to me, “I want you to read this and then we can talk about it.” I still get a pit in my stomach thinking about it. The beginning line read, “I am leaving. . .”
Two months later, we were divorced.
Long story. . . five years later I got married again. I thought going in that I had learned so much the first time that the second time around would be much easier. Sharon had even told me so. One night she said to me, “You are going to make a great husband. . . for someone else. I just don’t have any feelings for you anymore.”
Happily, I was right. All I had learned the first time around has made marriage much better the second time around. Not that we don’t have bumps along the way. We do. But, we have a good marriage. I would say, even a great marriage.
Another long story. . . over time Chris has become my best friend. Missy and Cindy have restored their relationship such that they attend a Bible Study together every week. Perhaps its time I introduce you to the four faces on the front of the Blog.
I am the tall guy in the green shirt. Missy, my wife, is at my side. Chris and Cindy are both in white shirts.
This blog is about the lessons we learned. It is a summary of 50 books I read and lessons that were not in any of them.
Marriage quotes
